HOME

Many of us have this notion of Home

Some say it's where the heart is

But what if home to your heart is out of reach how does it make you feel well this is how it makes me feel

Uncomfortable and wanted an easy frustrated weird stressed crazy madness

Those are words to explain something that some will say is just complete madness

But in one day I can express all of those emotions

If there's anything as a human being that I am I am more fascinated not by the ocean not by fantasy not by technology not even make up or beauty

What fascinates me more than anything is this notion as human beings that we have with love

In one day I can think to myself and I asked myself why am I unhappy

And I know some of you guys out there or worried is she OK what's going on all of that I will explain in time as much as it hurts me to say that I can't say right now there is some out there however that do you know what is going on but those are my closest friends and family

When I wake up in the morning the first thing I think about is what is my day going to be like I look at Netflix and I go through every single video and movie going no no no even some that I would be completely interested in and yet don't want to watch I go to the kitchen to look in the fridge and realize there's nothing I want to eat even knowing time of my favorite foods are in there

I look at my phone and think to myself there's no one I want to talk to except for my subscribers I chitchat with you guys on YouTube and Instagram sometimes on Twitter sometimes on Facebook

But that's not really what I'm wanting as much as I love you guys to pieces though

Can you guys do mean the world to me

Every day has been interesting it's been a battle it's been kind of crazy but I'm beginning to feel more and more elusive to myself I feel like my subconscience is disappearing

I feel kind of numb on the inside not to say that I'm becoming heartless or anything I don't think that would never happen because after all if I was heartless I wouldn't be experiencing these notions of where is my home where is love when of course I am in love with something somebody and that's where my home is

For those few hours that I felt like a brief second

Remember thinking to myself any bit of food in the fridge would've been great any movie or TV show on Netflix would've been satisfying staring at the ceiling would've been great

But being away from the person that I love has kind of made me like a House without a fire when that fireplace is lit on the inside of that house it's warm it's cozy it's nice

But without that fire it's kind of like the houses desolate empty I can picture it in my mind is of the door swung open in the wind is blowing but the clouds are gray and the sun is going down leaves are blowing into the hallway the house is drafty and cold feels dead on the inside the TV is static The couch is it warm the banister is creaky and Dusty

But homeboy with that fireplace is lit the house is clean it's glowing with an orange light the sun is bright there's fresh flowers everywhere the couch is warm there's a comedy on TV that's what it's like to be home children laughing in the background sounds like a movie in my own head

For me being with somebody that I love that his home

Kind of feel like a foster child right now which of course gives me a whole new appreciation for the life that I have

When people say money can't buy you love they are completely right money cannot buy you love taking yourself somewhere in speaking the words that come from your heart and your mind that work at one that is love giving and receiving money you can't buy love with that

But personally I feel like I won the jackpot I just wish somebody would hand me those keys to the house with the fireplace

But hey what do you put out into the world is what you get back right

So please let this be an example if your relationship is been kind to you if that person makes you feel like home GIF that fireplace a spark but the smile on your face just remember any argument any tear that falls from your face is worth it because as long as you have love with that person that's what's worth it

Because hey even a house that's glowing and has fresh flowers and it's beautiful and warm can sometimes have pain pill in from the ceiling and the walls can sometimes have water damage and plumbing issues and those problems can be fixed don't just go out and buy a brand-new house every issue is with fixing

To the person reading this I love you and thank you