The guilty regret

For once I finally understand what my mom was talking about, it's like the looking glass but it's more like staring through window seen what happens in reality, it's different when it's you because you don't notice it you just going through the motions, but when it's not you when you're seen it happen to somebody else you finally understand what you did in that horrible feeling of knowing why didn't I listen, i'm finally understanding that it was even worse in seeing somebody that you care about go through the same thing that you went through also trying to help that person stop doing what you did so many years ago, but like yourself trying to tell that person to stop doing what they're doing is almost nearest to impossible like it wasn't myself it was near to impossible to tell myself to stop, allowing somebody to run you over with the bus or train use you for everything that you have and everything that you are allowing them to treat you as if you're garbage, and you're in denial of that I was to, I believe that the person no matter my friend partner or lover cared about me so much but that wasn't the case I was being used treated like garbage for everything that I was I wanted to believe that I was nice that I was gentle and I cared about everyone even those that nobody wanted to care about, and even knowing some of that may be true the worst part about it was that I was willing to let those but I thought I was helping still treat me like crap because I felt like that's what would be best for them, The sad part is is that it distracted me it made me feel like crap and even at times I felt like the relationship wasn't worth it anymore but then I would see that person hang out with them and I realize this is what I wanted, but even after a few hours I realized this person is literally everything that makes me hate myself calls me names treats me like crap doesn't care about anything that I want but only what they want, my mom told me that once, have you ever sat there and realized heavenly this person treats you like crap and you're just willing to let it happen because you think that this person is who you're really in love with, and all I could say was I don't know what to do I'm just a nice person and I want to believe that this person could change maybe were just going through a rough time, but even like my best friend this person has problems and seeing that too it's almost like seeing myself in the mirror and it's painful to watch because why am sitting outside the window watching it I'm literally seen myself with that one other person and remembering the reason why I hated myself so much for never letting go, being reminded every single day of those few times in lingering moments in seconds sitting in wondering is it even worth it anymore I'm reminded of that by seeing my friend go through this, and Innoway I give thanks because it reminds me that I'm stronger to actually say no more and to do what's best for myself, I just hope that my friend will finally understand this before it's too late it doesn't matter how long you know somebody or how short of a time you know somebody no one deserves to be called names are being mistreated in anyway, so if you're in a circumstance where you're trying to be nice to somebody or you know secretly used to yourself without a meeting it that you're being mistreated do yourself a favor because it might be the best one you've ever done.